Careless Times...

Hush, be careful, we live in careless times. Careless times they are, free of any care for oneself or another.
My daughter asks me, "Maw, do you think i'm in love?" I respond, "and what makes you think so?", a smile playing dangerously around my lips; "Well, i feel happy in his company." "Ah, happy is it? And carefree too? Then it's got to be love."
"Well," says she, " happy but not carefree. You mean without-a-care, kind of feeling, right? No, that i don't. I feel burdened with trying to keep on feeling happy. How cool is that? But i still feel happy when i feel happy, you know." That was sweet coming from where it did. What should i tell her? No, honey, this ain't love, it's the beginning of pain, a life full of it, buckets of it, oodles of it BECAUSE of this happiness that you think is 'falling in love'. She is wise though, already wise enough to perceive the associations of the word 'burden', 'not cool', etc. etc. So then, careless times are better than careful times methinks.
I'm not about to let the cat out of the bag yet - not to her, not yet at least till she lets it out herself. I have a strong hunch that she'll know that well before i did. : )

Being careful is being caring. I like caring. I like love. I love love. But what is it? Having expectations, now is that being caring or not? Can one live a life 'expectation-free'? Can't remember the last time i was as generous as that. Nor do i know anyone around me who would just let me be- sans attente. Impossible, say i. I reciprocate heartily and in full measure. Let's match our expectations, shall we, and very carefully at that!

My careless times were over when i fell in love too. I became overcautious - of the way i dressed, the way i spoke, the way i looked at him, my gait, my eye makeup, my manner in general. Then i got used to the feeling and re-entered careless times. I became sloppy and judgemental. I became me. So in that sense, careless times equals The Real Me. Careful/caring times (and they aren't even synoyms!) equals masked me. Boy, this is funny, almost hilarious. Which means essentially, unmasked, i don't care. But i do, i do, i do. So there's a mix and match somewhere- a blend of faces within faces, a masking, unmasking and remasking. The heat is on.
I'm ok with the general drift of this, are you?

Careless times - allow you the freedom to breathe freely albeit occasionally.
Careful times - be thrifty, spend emotions but only as much as necessary, as you define it

Careless times = carefree times- not a care, happy-go-lucky, smiling, cheery and not anxious, ever.
Careful times - worry, worry, needless worry. Anxious about getting it right, everytime. Be good at any cost but predefine goodness.
Careless times - love yourself as is, but first get to know your unmasked self- slow and steady but take that first step (with help if deem fit and if find 'right' person to aid the process)
Careful careful - watch over every inner and outer movement- give 'IT' to yourself in case of a slump in your flawless character. How cool is that? ; )

All right, let's not overdo it. Let's just balance it out shall we. Inshallah! what's life all about then?
I'll ask my daughter, she seems to have almost got it right first time. Hallelujah!